[Previous entry: "second class citizens"]

12/09/2004: "of men and their need to leave a mark"

almost a year has passed since I took a moment to write,and as I look back on these weeks and months
I realize that I have accomplished precious little by the usual standards of achievement we are all accustomed to measure ourselves by:no job,no increase in salary,no new client,no magnum opus in the offing...Yet,I sit tonight and feel that this year has not been unproductive,quite the contrary.
I am alone these days,but my heart is full of Love,and this is new to me.I used to feel anxiety and fear loneliness.Is it a perk of maturity,or have I got something right finally?
The world looks more incomprehensible by the day:I do not feel that I am much part of it anymore,I don't have the energy,and as I walk through the streets of any city,I sense that I am slowly withdrawing,moved by the tide of my years.
What will be left after I pass on,whether tomorrow or twenty years from now?what will I leave behind?
It remains an important question and I do not have the answer at this moment.